


Text

by Rezeren



Category: Bleach
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:23:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5817484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rezeren/pseuds/Rezeren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the Bleach characters all had phones? What kind of messages would they send to each other? No pairings but some ship tease!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Text

**Author's Note:**

> Crack. Total crack.
> 
> This was originally posted on FF.net but the rules specify no script format there, so I will have to take it down sooner or later... which means I'm posting it here instead!

**Rukia:** So this is a mobile telephone device?

**Ichigo:** Yeah. We just call them cell phones.

**Rukia:** That was quick! They're certainly more effective than Hell Butterflies!

**Ichigo:** Uh, yeh, sure. Glad u like it.

**Rukia:** That's appalling spelling, Michigan.

**Ichigo:** Michigan?!

**Rukia:** It's some stupid thing called auto correct. The closest word it has to your name is Michigan.

**Ichigo:** Seriously?! U no u can disable auto correct, right?

**Rukia:** What is up with your spelling?!

**Ichigo:** It's called text talk.

**Rukia:** I find it difficult to believe that anyone would ever use such a ridiculous choice of language.

**Ichigo:** Welcome to the real world, Rupiah.

**Rukia:** Rupiah?

**Ichigo:** Ah. That would be the closest word to ur name.

* * *

**Rukia:** This stupid auto correct is driving me insane!

**Ichigo:** It's American. U can type in any Japanese word and it tells u that u've spelt a word wrong.

**Rukia:** How do I get rid of it?!

**Ichigo:** I'll let u find out :P

**Rukia:** … you don't know how, do you Strawberry?

**Ichigo:** HEY!

**Orihime:** Hey guys! Catsuit gave me ur numbers!

**Ichigo:**?

**Orihime:** Sorry. I meant Tatsuki gave me ur numbers.

**Ichigo:** U c, Rukia? Everyone uses text talk. Perhaps ur just incapable? LOL.

**Rukia:** Is that so? How is it that Orifice is able to talk with us?

**Rukia:** Sorry, auto correct again. I meant, how is Orihime able to talk with us?

**Uryu:** Group chat.

**Ichigo:** ARGH! WHEN DID YOU JOIN?!

**Uryu:** WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME BEING HERE, STRAWBERRY?!

**Ichigo:** FUDGE OFF DANISH!

**Ichigo:** I MEANT ISHIDA, NOT DANISH! FUDGE!

**Chad:** Fudge?

**Ichigo:** FUDGING AUTO CORRECT!

**Rukia:** LOL. I believe I'm getting the hang of this, Ichigo. What was that about me being incapable?

**Ichigo:** SHUT THE FUDGE UP!

* * *

**Orihime:** Hey I've got a gr8 idea! Let's give the Soul Reapers cell phones!

**Ichigo:** o_O No Orihime. That is a very _bad_ idea.

**Uryu:** Rude.

**Ichigo:** I don't give shit. Could u imagine everyone in the Soul Society texting each other all the time? The gossip would be terrible! Besides, I could so see Kenpachi sending messages like 'I'm coming to kill u now'!

**Orihime:** … what if we gave the Arrancars cell phones?

**Ichigo:** o_O

**Uryu:** o_O

**Rukia:** o_O

**Chad:** o_O

**Grimmjow:** :)

**Ichigo:** OH HOLY SHIT ORIHIME WHAT HAVE U DONE?!

**Ulquiorra:**._.

**Ichigo:** oh dear god someone help us...

**Kenpachi:** HEY ICHIGO! I'M COMING TO KILL U AFTER A NICE LONG FIGHT!

**Ichigo:** D:

* * *

**Ichigo:** Hey Rukia can u give me Surabaya's number?

**Rukia:** Who?

**Ichigo:** Sorry. Auto correct. Can u give me Byakuya's number?

**Rukia:** No.

**Ichigo:** Please?! I wanna annoy the shit out of him!

**Rukia:** And that, Michigan, is the reason I won't give it to you.

**Rukia:** I meant Ichigo. ¬_¬

**Ichigo:** If u won't give it 2 me, I'll just ask Rennin.

**Rukia:** Auto correct?

**Ichigo:** I meant Renji.

**Rukia:** What makes you think Renji will have it?

**Ichigo:** ¬_¬

**Ichigo:** I'm pretty sure Renji has Byakuya's number. He _is_ his beloved lieutenant after all.

**Rukia:** What are you trying to say, Michigan?

**Rukia:** Ichigo, even.

**Ichigo:** … nothing at all :)

**Renji:** Hey, guess what guys?! Captain Milkshake gave me his number!

**Ichigo:** LOL. I guess you meant 'Kuchiki'.

**Renji:** Yes! He gave me his number!

**Rukia:** …

**Ichigo:** Bazinga.

**Byakuya:** Michigan Jurassic, you are the most hamster football anthem that I have ever songbird banana fluff to meet.

**Ichigo:**

**Rukia:**

**Renji:**

**Uryu:**

**Orihime:**

**Chad:**

**Ichigo:** … what?

**Byakuya:** This rhinoceros device has a defective auto cucumber.

**Renji:** … WTF?

**Ichigo:** … LOL.

**Rukia:** … This is not funny, Michigan.

**Rukia:** Argh! I meant Ichigo!

**Byakuya:** Ghost arcade with monopoly.

**Ichigo:** Talk about having a fudged up auto correct.

**Rukia:** Fine coming from the guy who can't type the F word.


End file.
